Driving a tractor is the one and only perk that comes with being a farmer. Picture: John Deere

I read a report in this paper last week that literally knocked the wind out of me.

It was a report heralding the beginning of the driverless tractor (and the end of the farmer, if you ask me).

The year has only just begun and we are already being bombarded with bad tidings.

First came the story that covid is still rampaging about the place like a contrary old goat. It's doing nothing but harm wherever it roams.

And now we have the awful news that robots may soon be taking our place in the driver's seat of the tractor. Forcing you and I out the back window I suppose.

To sit, or stand, in the transport box I presume.

And while the new driver may not be a robot in the traditional sense, in that he is not a physical form sitting in the seat, the fact remains the same. Our job is being taken over by technology and I don't like it one bit.

It's a desperate dark day for Irish farming.

At the moment, I believe, the self-driving tractor can only be viewed in America. In Las Vegas or someplace. To be truthful with you, I only half read the article, so furious was I with what it contained.

But as sure as old Trump will run for President, as sure as grass is green, t'will be here in Ireland before you can say Jack Robinson. For the world has gotten mighty small since I was a young fellow.

What happens in America today, happens in Ireland tomorrow.

And while I can live with talk of robotic milkers, and will not protest too much when automated calf feeders are being discussed, I cannot abide the thought of the driverless tractor.

The driverless tractor, like the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow must be avoided at all costs.

Nobody in farming wants to be a farmer in the guise of Ichabod Crane. Nobody wants to be chasing after driverless tractors. Or worse again, being chased by a headless, driverless, tractor.

It really is the stuff of nightmares.

Is it any wonder I have struggled in my bed since I read the news? I have been tussling the old duvet like you wouldn't believe. Making distressing sounds during the night that have woken the house. All because of my fear of the driverless tractor.

For what is a farmer without his tractor? He's like a cowboy without his hat. A magician without his wand. A parish without a pump.

You cannot possibly call yourself a farmer and not sit proudly on a tractor daily.

It's one of the requirements of the post. If you are passionate about farming, you should be passionate about driving a tractor.

There is no way I would be a farmer today if the job didn't include the opportunity to drive a tractor.

It's the one and only perk that comes with the role.

The hours spent on your own, looking all windswept and interesting as you bounce around the place getting the job done is powerful medicine. It's good for the mind and the soul.

Cabless or not, power steering or not, in the wind, rain, sunshine or snow showers, they are all a privilege to drive.

And am I now to believe that we are going to let a fiddly computer come between ourselves and our tractor?

Are we not going to stand up for our right to sit down?

We cannot allow this to happen.

You can attempt to take the field from the Bull McCabe. You can take Glenroe and the beautiful Biddy from our TV screens, but damn it all, don't be so foolish as to think you can replace the farmer behind the wheel.

We won't stand for it. We won't go quietly into the night. We won't give up our threadbare seats without a struggle.

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